When it comes time for your multiples to head to school, should you keep them together or apart?
According to recent research, parents of children aged 3-6 were more likely to request their multiples be placed together in the classroom. When the multiples were 7 years and older, parents were more likely to ask that they be separated for various reasons, including to help their individuality, one multiple being too dominant, multiples being too competitive or one multiple having special needs.
Most experts seem to agree the decision should be flexible and based on the individual needs of each child.
Check out this handy checklist you can use alongside teachers to prompt discussion about how best to support your children’s learning.
Having been a teacher and a twin mum, Rosie Ponifasio-Hughes feels uniquely positioned to offer some practical thoughts on multiples in the classroom.
THINGS TO PONDER BEFORE THEY START SCHOOL OR A NEW SCHOOL YEAR:
- Does the school have any preferred method of class placement for multiples? Do your children’s ECE teachers have any thoughts about this based on what they’ve observed thus far?
- If your Multiples are ID, how would you like your twins to be correctly identified at school, and does this have any ramifications on the school’s uniform policy? (*things like brightly coloured hair-ties or jewellery might not be permitted, so check first!)
- Always chat with your children’s current teacher before making a decision (be it ECE or the previous year’s teacher) as they often see a whole different side to your children, and may have some thoughts about what’s best for their overall development going forward (*Your school should consult you on your preferences for their next year’s placement. If you haven’t heard anything by mid term 4, pop into school for a chat!)
POSITIVES OF KEEPING THEM TOGETHER:
- One set of teacher rules and expectations for things like behaviour, homework and the amount of reading/spelling can make things easier for some families to manage at home.
- No sibling rivalry over things like different school trips, treats or fun classroom projects
- It’s easier to offer support as a parent helper in class or on trips if they’re in the same room (and your boss will appreciate you only needing to take one day off instead of 2!)
- It’s easier to schedule parent interviews ‘back to back’ without running around school from one room to another
- Receiving 2 sets of school notices really multi-layers the communication!
- Anyone who survived lockdown with school aged children will appreciate the concept of one less zoom call/classroom google meet to organise
- Having the same school routines makes family organisation and timetables easier to manage – you only need to remember one library day, swimming day, sports day etc.
ISSUES TO BE AWARE OF IF KEEPING YOUR MULTIPLES TOGETHER:
- IDs might experience some identity issues if it’s a struggle for their peers to differentiate them
- If your twins have different temperaments/behaviour, how do you feel about one possibly getting a little more (possibly negative) attention? Would their twin mind being exposed to that?
- Do your twins mind being compared? *Keep in mind they’ll do it themselves even if no one has pointed it out (Who’s in the highest reading group, maths group etc?) Will that be an issue for your multiples?
- Potentially having the same or overlapping friend groups can be a struggle for some children
- Some children can rely on their siblings to get them organised, to prompt them in class or to answer questions which isn’t always helpful
POSITIVES OF BEING APART:
- A chance to develop their own set of friends
- Lots of new things to talk about together when they get home!
- A chance to shine by themselves (especially if they spend every other waking and sleeping moment together), being acknowledged as an individual rather than a unit can be a powerful thing
ISSUES TO BE AWARE OF IF SEPARATING THEM:
- It can take some twins longer to settle if they’ve relied on their sibling breaking the ice with their peers or being the go-to one to answer questions etc.
- Some twins might struggle with their classroom placement and resent their sibling “getting more friends in their room”, or a preferred teacher
- Pick ups and drop offs can be longer and more complicated if you’ve got 2 different classrooms to visit, especially with younger children, ask your classroom teacher’s to help with this if needed.
THE MAIN TAKEAWAY OF THIS WHOLE TOPIC:
- All children are different, and will have ever evolving needs and wants. Try & stay flexible and make decisions based on what’s right for your family at the time (and be aware that this will probably change every year and that’s ok!)
Authored in February 2023 by Natasha Bull and Rosie Ponifasio-Hughes